Emergency corporate survival strategist · --:--:--

Cover Your Ass Bot

HR is already taking notes. Describe the disaster and get a calibrated threat level, four drafts you can actually send, a follow-up plan, and one honest sentence telling you whether spin is the wrong move here.

Quick panic presetsSelect emergency

Describe the clusterfuck0/2000

Strategy tone

Framing vector

Audience

Spine level — Diplomatically slippery

Diplomatic, forward-looking, faintly heroic

Hall of infamy

All playbooks →

Not sure where to start? Ask Cris →

Describe it in plain language. Cris gives you the tier, the next three moves, and a line you can paste — then points you at the one thing that actually helps.

Already sent it? →

Incident Autopsy grades the message you fired off and rewrites it.

Meeting tomorrow? →

Rehearsal Mode plays your skeptical manager and pushes back three times.

Standing by

No active incident. Statistically, that will change within four working days.

Tier 1Paper Cut

Tier 2Code Yellow

Tier 3Dumpster Fire

Tier 4Total Clusterfuck

Tier 5Resignation Event